We all see ourselves in our children. The shape of their mouth, the pattern of baby curls, the dimples so similar to ours. Even their facial expressions may be picture perfect images of ours at that age.
Then there are the mannerisms. They start out cute, progress to irritating, and rapidly arrive at maddening. Children copy what they see, so is it any wonder they quickly learn what makes us tick and ticks us off? Even taking into account the whole nature vs. nurture debate, we are the source of both. So it really is all our fault.
We see the good in our children and are positive they inherited these qualities from us. The unsolicited acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, of course we take pride in our…I mean their…achievements. They fill us with a sense of accomplishment, the knowledge that we must have done something right.
Then we see their darker side peek out. A snide remark, a selfish act, the refusal to accomplish a necessary task out of sheer laziness. We think “they must have picked it somewhere,” and look far and wide for where to cast the blame. The further away the better, lest we bear any accountability. But somehow, these qualities we find so blameworthy just don’t go away.
Maybe we notice these flaws more often now that we are aware of their existence, but we still strive to avoid the stark realization of where our children get them from: We need look no further than our reflection in the mirror.
We don’t get to pick which of our behaviors our children will mirror any more than we chose which genes to pass on. We can't pass them through a sieve, or pick over them like produce at the grocery store. But our children do notice, and mirror, all those idiosyncrasies we are not even fully aware of (just ask your spouse, he/she probably has a list they can share with you).
Children certainly do bring our reflections into focus, but it may not be the image we were expecting.
Maybe we should think about a makeover.
